i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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