You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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