I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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