2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
