We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
