Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
