I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
