I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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