I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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