She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
