Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
