Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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