i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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