someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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