that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't put those talents on a resume
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
