I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
