I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
