I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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