How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't put those talents on a resume
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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