Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
