I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
