He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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