Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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