I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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