sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
