She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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