i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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