We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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