Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
