If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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