I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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