We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
