Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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