I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
