well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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