He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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