I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
