Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
