The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
