just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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