My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize