So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
