I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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