my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
