I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize