so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
