hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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