whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
