I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
