He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
