I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
