I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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