Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
