I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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