Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
