I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
