I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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