All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
