was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
