I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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