I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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