Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
