official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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