I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
