We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
