i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
