his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
