It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i think im in europe. pls send help
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
